I am on a roll. I am on a roll. I finished the semester. And I still suffer from the tendency, or disease, of starting and stopping things. I'm not a professional. The probability of malpractice or a misdiagnosis is high.
In 19 days I return to the United States of America. I have been trying to avoid dwelling on this, but it is unavoidable. (Why can't I learn to dwell in the sadness or nervousness?) During these thoughts I would describe my feelings as leading me into an anxiety/panic attack. I really cannot be too sure because I have never had either one, I believe.
Some reason I always find myself leaving places when I seem to be getting into some kind of flow. Flow for me is enjoying life, the people in it, the places involved, and the current activities I participate in. My life here in Buenos Aires is normal, differently normal. I love it. It is full of amazing and interesting people and full of learning, moreso spiritually and personally than academically.
I speak Spanish every day. I use public transportation every day. It is almost in the season of summer here. I do not watch a lot of TV. I know nothing of pop culture. I'm one of the luckies that missed the majority of the campaign/election season (not looking forward to all the hate, slander, and false hope in man that will be found in politics and media when I return). I walk a lot. I have a lot of alone time (this has been very impactful on my life). These are just a few things I have enjoyed very much and will miss.
"live in the day" and "be intentional" have beenmy most frequent thoughts while being down here. These both are still a struggle for me to do. Being away from normality I have found myself discussing a lot of the past and a lot of what is back in my birth country, not wrong, but it gets old and tends to lead me into a stagnant state in life. Being intentional has to do with my relationship with Christ. I make efforts to see Him, hear Him, experience Him, or just talk with Him throughout the day as often as possible.
I will not be able to put ALL that I have learned into well written sentences or good explanation, but it is inside me and I will take from it and attempt to apply it, if possible, to my life.
My future has many doors. I love ideas. I make too many plans. Too many scenarios play through my head. I tend to be too sporadic.
One thing I pray for myself is that I will be able to kick the pride out of my life and let God take control of the ideas, scenarios, and plans of my life. Some areas are easier than others to let go of.
Realization is a big step...it tends to come easy for me. The bigger step for me, that which I struggle with, is letting go. That part is the hardest for me.
I just changed the name of this blog to "Ramble City"