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Monday, March 22, 2010

Tuesday Be Gracious: 3/22/2010

"This too shall pass."

One of those days where my mind can't focus,
clouded by the little things of "feeling" at home. 
Comfort and meals cooked by mother.
A day with a tee time and talks with Dad.
Drive down to Empire Cafe with Kate.
Sleep in my own sheets and bed.
Soothe my bare feet on both the carpet and grass.
I am living out of a suitcase, among other things
of course.
The Eucharist at Ecclesia.
A shower.
Tuesday be gracious,
to me and any other.
You are the toughest day.
Tonight, we gather and pray.
God your grace is sufficient.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Life and a vision of a friend: 3/08/2010

"I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 8:12

     Doha has been home for 6 months. 

"Really?" I ask.
 "Yes," I assure myself.

     The feeling is like I have lived multiple lives during these 6 months. Maybe that is what days and moments are, life spans. Moments dying between mental breaks and disconnections.  Days are constantly deceasing during each sleep.

Did I break my ankle and gimp on crutches for 2 months? Did I spend Christmas in India? Am I a Phys Ed teacher?  Do I use arabic words to maintain order in class to show my students I mean business and when I am frustrated with them? 
Can I personally distinguish 10 different children named Mohammed?  Why do 5+ kids look at me if I use the names Ahmed or Abdulla? How do you really pronounce the name Khalid, Ghanem, or Khayareen?

     Difficulties thus far have been present. Also, there have been extremely good moments. The most important to ones equilibrium is the proverbial mundane days and moments. In all of this I can truly say that I am blessed and loved. God is giving me opportunities of life here in Doha. The people I have met, the Church here, my students and of course the travel. It is overwhelming to think of the different regions of the world I have seen.
In regards to people I have met and seeing.

I want to share a vision a lady claimed to have had and felt the space was adequate to tell me of this vision. It helped me have a moment and a few days of vivid understanding.

     There are people all around and present. They came to find a place of new beginnings. While trusting God and believing the Great Mystery that He is and creates.  The mystery of the plan for each individuals' life. 
     Each person had expectations of a land where excitement and adventure would not end. Upon arrival each person found themselves. Their disappointment and let down, nourished tremendously by their expectations and preconceptions of life in their place of arrival. 
     Naturally, this dismal disappointment and let-down brought them to a physical fault, exposed and massive. The dark crevasse was now present and a possible danger. 
    After some passing time,  these people found that they had fallen into the crevasse. They were not able to see due to the darkness. They had fallen into the deepest and darkest place of the crevasse. Inside this crevasse, while bumping into walls, other individuals and hearing the cries, screams, and chilling silences thereafter; they began to learn how to avoid it and divert their own path around it. They conditioned themselves naturally to become deaf to the cries and screams, numb to the repeated collisions between rock and physical touch. Each person in the darkness learned how to break the eerie silence; coughing without need, speaking without understanding their words, laughing at common thoughts, crying coupled with deep-throated sobs.
    In this hand-crafted chaos, each individual and their own ways to absorb, accept, and survive in the dark crevasse. However, at an undefined moment, one individual was enlightened. The individual did not find the exit, nor did the individual find light, the individual accepted his reality and released the grasp on his preconceived excitements and adventures. He chose to exist even in the darkness. It was no longer an issue. All was still as it had been but the individual had accepted it, with all its fears, confusion, darkness, and chaos.
     The only way to get away from the crevasse and darkness was to not get away from it at all. It was in the individuals acceptance of it and his decision to be in it fully himself. To be in the darkness fully, in the silence completely, trusting in God, the Mystery, and the guide in it all is God.  This darkness is indescribable, just like the Mystery. 
     The disappointment cannot be expressed. There is a physical bareness of the desert land, Spiritual dryness. Interestingly enough, in the bareness and scarcity, we live in the presence of a continuous cycle of construction, consumerism and  materialism that simultaneously resonates with our individual-self, our false self, that feels real, but does not quite convince the individual.
   The crevasse is born and germinated through doubt, frustration, panic, laziness, greed, complacency, lack of motivation, change of heart, change of belief, and many other elements. Trusting that there is an exit to the crevasse bring only more difficulties, obstacles, chaos, and darkness to the crevasse. Even apart from the immense darkness the darkness does not cease to exist. Then there is a pinpoint of light in the far distance. It is the exit. It is the only exit. This bright light is exactly what these people need to focus on.  The exit is in the individual. The pin point is the acceptance of ones' presence and existence in the crevasse. The pinpoint in the individual is God and a rediscovery of life, of a True reality.

I typed this out not only to share but also for me to be able to remember it. I thank my dear friend Cathy for her vision. I believe in the crevasse and and I believe in the pin point of life. I cannot determine if each separate moment is a life within itself, or if a day the same. Fortunately, life is not chronological.